Oh, what an age we live in!
How freakin' lucky are we?
Connect with the world,
all for only one low monthly fee!

Soon as I plugged in my router,
I felt like a part of the group.
Lady Gaga?
Of course I know all about her,
all the latest scoop!

'Cuz every little click brings new information,
flowing crazy fast, raw and unchecked.
Welcome to the Internet Generation --
Whoa-oh, come on and connect!

Check out the world's cutest baby!
My sister -- she just had her third!
Thank God I just happened to be checking Facebook.
THAT'S how I heard the word!

Oh, every little click brings fam'lies together.
Every pic is quick and slick and direct.
Stumble on a new profound revelation.
Whoa-oh, it's easy to

Connect with siblings living in Arizona,
or old flames, now morbidly obese...
Download all your favorite Ke$ha songs --
don't pay a dime!
It's a victimless crime!

(Right? Right? Right!)

Never had luck with the ladies,
I was sleepin' alone every night.
Then I met this "girl" named "Mercades"
on a singles dating site.
One little click on a profile,
one little innocent chat,
then two solid weeks on sexy texting,
and that was that!

Although we've never met,
I know she's my soulmate.
Yes, I know exactly who to expect
on that fateful day we first meet in person.
Whoa-oh, I know that we'll connect!

Extra points for Skype-ing while you're driving.
Extra points for illegally streaming porn.
Every morning, add a few dozen "friends".
Don't wanna die alone?
Go out and buy an iPhone!
(an APPLE iPhone...)

No one ever has to feel they're excluded.
Do away with pain, ennui and neglect.
People 'round the world have never been closer.
Whoa-oh!
Whoa-oh?

(Everyone glares at the girl furiously texting, whose solo line it is)

Ooops, sorry...
Connect!
Connect!

Anyone on Earth can see what you're doing
at any given time -- Isn't it great?
"Public" is the new "Private!"
Don't wait!
Gotta get connected,
gotta do what's expected of you!
Gotta gotta get a router,
gotta know about her,
gotta gotta know about her,
all about her!

It's time to open all your doors.
What is there really to protect?
Come claim the corner that is yours!
Do it now!!
Connect!!!